Who decides your worth, value, and lovability?

Everyone wants to feel valued, worthy, and loved. A lot of my clients when I begin to work with them, tell me that they do not feel like they are enough. If they were enough, then they would have already been picked, or taken, or someone would like them. They feel like no one values who they are, or appreciates them for who they are. Because of this, a lot of them make singleness mean that they are not worthy of love, and therefore they do not feel loved, because they really don't deserve it.

So I want you to know that it has already been decided that you are 100% valuable, worthy and lovable. It has nothing to do with what you have, what you do, or what other people think about you. God did NOT create you and say, "Hey you are at about 50%, go ahead and earn the rest of your value & worth by doing stuff, or by what other people decide about you.”

But that is how we are living our lives. We think, “I don't know if I am valuable, worthy or lovable, let's see what the world says? I am not in a relationship, and I am not married, well, sums it up, not valuable.”

When you stop and look at it that way, it sounds ridiculous. But let me tell you, it feels so REAL.

So many of my clients say, "So Angie, you are telling me I just get to decide that I am 100% worthy, valuable, and lovable?" and every single time I say "YES!"

What is so fun, is that I don't think they have thought about it before. And to be totally real, I didn't know that either. When I was single, I did NOT know my value, worth or lovability had been decided. I really looked around at the world and was continually asking, "Am I lovable?" "Do I have value?" "Am I worthy?" I carried that over into marriage and continually looked to see if he loved me, or valued me. If he deemed it, then it was, if he didn't, then it wasn't.

It was majorly exhausting! And by the way a horrible burden to put on someone else.

I, Angie Woods am 100% valuable, worthy, and lovable not because of what I have, what I do, or what other people think of me.

Since owning and believing this statement, my life has changed. I show up as a different human. I am less needy, I am less desperate. I am less grasping for praise or people's opinions of me. I am less focused on getting my value, worth, or love from things, people, or praise. I am more self-confident. I am more walking in the Spirit. I am more open to God's opinion of me. I am more me, the one God created and I am accepting. I stop asking, "Do you love me?"

I start showing up as a human fully lovable, fully valuable, fully worthy, and that is not up for debate, or discussion.

What would it look like for you to believe this statement and how would your life be different?

What would you start doing? What would you stop doing?

You are enough, always have been, always will be.

God is the decider of all of that. Start stepping into that. I know He wants that for you. I know He wants you to have the questions about worth, value, and love decided. He wants you to know and believe it and feel it regularly.

Listen, some of you need to hear this on repeat.
You are worthy.

You are valuable.

You are lovable.

Done, decided. Step into it that for yourself. What is stopping you?

Lots of love,

Angie

What life would be like if you knew your purpose

We can be desperate to find our purpose in life. That one thing in life that will light us up and motivate us to work hard and spread passion to many.

We look for it in a lot of places.

Purpose is the reason why something exists. So your purpose is why you exist.

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren is a book I read when I was right out of college and single. Essentially it stated two things: I was created by God and for Him. We are made to love God and make Him known. That is an incredible purpose.

A lot of times people are looking for a purpose because they think that is what brings them value or worth. But we know that we are 100% valuable, worthy, and lovable not because of what we do. So truly understanding that, would mean that you know and believe, that nothing you do adds to or takes away from your value or worth. You are valuable and worthy just because you exist.

You don’t have to do anything to fulfill your purpose in life. You are already purposeful because you exist. There is NOTHING you can be, do, or have to be, to have more purpose or be more complete.

Your life will never be more valuable than someone else’s. That one is hard for me because I would like to believe that mine is more valuable. But that is absolutely not true. I will never be more valuable to God than someone else. And on the flip side, it blows my mind to think that my life has the same value as people like Mother Theresa and Bill Gates.

I love how God does that. He says you are ALL valuable, worthy, lovable to me. We just have to step into that and believe it moment by moment.

Philippians 2:13 states, “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

So since we know that we have purpose because we exist and we know that God is working in us to fulfill His purpose, then what are we supposed to do?

We get to choose what we want to do with our life simply because we want to. All living within the parameters of God’s Word, His commands and teachings, but you know what I mean.

You get to pick the reason you want to do it too.

This is what I am loving about God right now. How creative he is at fulfilling His purpose in the world by giving people desires and longings and passions. I know someone who is passionate about sharing Christ with international students who come to the United States for college. I know someone who is beyond talented at writing children’s books. I am watching someone loving and serving refugees that are resettled in Oklahoma. These people feel called to this but also are talented in these areas because God gave them the abilities to do this. But it all started with, I want to do that.

So what do you want to do, not because it makes you more… but you just want to? Is it start a ministry, is it lead a small group? Is it make and sell art, or crafts, or food?

Starting this business and serving single women has been incredible, but you know what is even more incredible, knowing that it doesn’t make me more…. I am just doing this because I want to. My worth and value has already been decided. God doesn’t need me to do this. He’s got you all covered. I know He planted that desire in my heart but I had to own it. I had to say, “I want to help single women who love Jesus, love this season of their life. I want to give them the tools I wish I would have had when I was their age. I want to help them avoid some of the suffering that I put myself through. I want to encourage and see them during this part of their story.”

If I am honest I just wanted to. I think I was born to be a life coach. It pulses through my veins. I love helping people and seeing them grow.

So what are you born to do? What is pulsing through your veins? What do you love to do, that God could have planted seeds of desire, passion, and capabilities in your heart that He wants you to follow.

Since you know your purpose, it is all just icing on the cake,

Angie

What would you do if you had more self-confidence?

A lot of women that I work with want to grow in this area.

I love sharing with them two definitions of self-confidence. One is to be secure in your self and your capabilities. Which as believers we know that God made us and gave us our abilities so really we would need to be confident in who God made us to be. And two is your ability to trust yourself, know that you can feel any feeling, and your overall opinion of yourself.

When we do things that we have done over and over we have confidence which is the thought, “I can do that.” But when we attempt to do something that we have never done before, then what do we do? We don’t have confidence to lean on. We think, “I have never done that,” and that typically creates doubt. So you would need self-confidence to do the things you have never done before. It would be your ability to do what you say you are going to do and trusting that you can feel any feeling that comes up in it.

Example: You want to try dating. You think, “I have never done this.” You want to doubt you are capable. But then self-confidence steps in and you think, “I am willing to feel any feeling and have my own back.” That would be self-confidence at work in your life. We know that going on a date may require you to feel a lot of feelings; awkward, uncomfortable, nervous, failure, vulnerable, and afraid. But being self-confident would allow you to do it anyways, knowing you can feel all the feelings.

I teach about this in the group program and help you understand that this is an area that you can grow in by doing some thought work in these areas.

Let’s break it down a little bit:

  1. I know who God made me to be & the abilities He has given me

    This is a great place to start. Do you know how God has made you to be and the abilities that He has given you specifically? Each one of us is made so incredibly unique and He wants us to be confident in who He has made us. We didn’t create us by the way… He did. So spend some time thinking through who you are.

  2. Your ability to trust yourself.

    This boils down to knowing you will do what you say you will do. You will follow through on your plan. People sometimes think that they are born with self-confidence or not. Really self-confidence is something you earn for yourself by keeping your word and doing what you say at the highest level. This may be an area that you need to practice. I share more about that process in this post.

  3. You can experience any emotion

    A lot of times we live in doubt because we don’t think we can handle what could happen. But understanding that there is no emotion we can’t just feel all the way through in our bodies could be a game changer for you. I share more about that process in this post.

  4. Your opinion of yourself

    Your thoughts about you are what generate or deplete self-confidence, so choose your thoughts about yourself wisely. A self-confident person knows they are capable, worthy, strong, and competent. This doesn’t have to be true in order to for you to think about it that way, you just have to practice feeling those feelings to gain more self-confidence. I share more about that process in this post.

    Understanding self-confidence has really helped me do things I have never done before. I have loved seeing what comes up for me and what feelings I actually feel when I do trust myself and lean into self-confidence. I have gone into a situation that was new and said out loud, “I can do this and feel any feeling.” It is so helpful because it gives me that BRING IT ON attitude.

    If you had more self-confidence what would you do? Would you start that new job? Go on that date? Take action towards your dream? Start living the life you have only dreamed was available to others?

    Here’s to practicing growing in this area,

    Angie Woods

The key to sticking to the schedule

Do you have a hard time doing what you say you are going to do?

Do you write something down in your schedule and your brain offers you this back, “No, you won’t”?

I see so many of my client’s having a hard time with this, they don’t trust themselves. They have begun to operate from a place of disbelief. They don’t honor their own commitments to themselves.

If they made a date with me they would keep it, but if they made a date with themselves they are quick to write it off as a bad idea, or change of plans. I especially see this with waking up, or having a quiet time.

So, if any of this resonates with you I want to offer you some tips and some new thoughts.

The first thing that has to happen, is for you to get really clear that you DO want to honor your commitments, no matter what. If you are going to say you are going to do something, you want to mean it. This will require you to think differently about you. You will need to begin to honor yourself and your decision making abilities. Thinking thoughts like, “I can make decisions that are important to me and I can honor them on a regular basis.” Begin with that thought and see how that feels. Does that work for you or do you need to find something closer to, “I am becoming someone that makes decisions and follows through.”

The next thing is to start practicing this. You have said so many times, “I don’t stick to my plans,” that we need to change that path in your brain. We need to go in and hack your brain and give it evidence that you do stick to your plans.

So, tonight before you go to bed I want you to write down on your planner or a sticky note one thing you are going to do and the time you are going to do it. Start small. Like pick something that you already do and it is easy for you. So if you are the queen of waking up at 7:45 even when you set your alarm for 6 then write down, “I will wake up at 7:45am” and then stick to that. You have to go in and build up that path in your brain that says, I stick to my commitments and then do just that. Each day, start deliberately exercising this by over and over creating a plan and sticking to it. You must practice this. Start small at the beginning, by just making a few commitments, and then after you get good at this, add in others that you want to start doing.

If you are wanting to wake up at 6 but you currently wake up at 7, start with “I wake up at 7,” and honor that. Then work backwards. I wake up at 6:55 and honor that. Keep on doing that until you are getting the results you want.

I have been implementing this with my schedule and training myself to write things down in my planner and I stick to them. When it says, “Laundry,” I just do it. No negotiation, no questioning if this is what I should really be doing. Just honoring that I made this decision and going with it. It is amazing the amount of wasted energy I was spending going back and forth on what I wanted/needed to be doing during a certain time slot. Before I go to bed each night I make my plan, and then the next day I honor it. I have been doing this with my food choices and even my workouts. I plan it the day before, when I am able to make decisions from my prefrontal cortex and not when I am in the moment from the lower brain. It has been amazing the results of truly learning to trust myself and honoring myself. It is so powerful what happens when you begin to treat yourself the way you would treat other people.

Listen, honoring yourself is NO JOKE. It is going to take intentional work to build this area up. Once you learn this skill of doing what you say you are going to do, you will be amazed at what is possible for you.

Can’t wait to see how this helps you,

Angie

P.S. If you don’t keep your commitment to yourself during this process, don’t bail on it completely. Be curious as to why you didn’t keep your commitment and see what your brain offers you. Open yourself up to learning from this and growing. We are all in process, but some of these tips may break down where you have been getting stuck before. Hang in there!

3 questions I ask myself every morning that help with productivity

I shared about having a morning routine last week. This has been very helpful to me because I was frustrated with how my mornings were going. I wasn’t waking up when I wanted to. I was struggling to get a quiet time in. I wanted to get a work-out in. I wanted to do so many things and I was never finding the time in my day because, life….

So, I started figuring out exactly what time I needed to go to bed in order to get up in the morning when I really wanted to. I wanted to have 2 hours in the morning to do what I wanted and I didn’t want to feel rushed. So, I wake up at 5am. Therefore I have to go to bed at 10pm. I can live off of 7 hours of sleep. Now, for some of you, this is not enough time, but figure out what you really need as far as sleep goes. I have a good friend who really needs 8-9 hours of sleep a night. No apologies, she isn’t lazy… she knows how much sleep her body requires. Don’t fight against it, work with it and honor it by really getting the sleep you need. Figure out how much sleep you need by tracking it. This is something that I see so many people neglecting. They try and force their body to cooperate with their schedule. So they sleep 5 or 6 hours and their body is tired, so they drink LOTS of coffee, so they can survive. But remember when we survive we live from our lower brain and seek pleasure, avoid pain, and try and be efficient in our old thoughts, and that pretty much keeps us in that stuck cycle. So knowing how much sleep you need is key to thriving.

I noticed that when I didn’t have a plan for what I wanted to do, I either kept hitting snooze or I wasted my time. I was on social media for an hour 😞, and then I was disappointed with myself.

So, I needed a plan. A way to maximize what I could, and wanted to do during that time. I came up with my what, and now I am super focused and LOVE my time. I wake up excited because I can’t wait to spend time with myself and God. One part of my time is cleaning up my mind. And during that time for the month of September I have been working on priorities and productivity. So to do that I ask myself 3 questions every morning and I write my answers down in my journal.

I thought I would pass this along to you so maybe you could try it out and improve your productivity as well. Here they are:

  1. What did you get done yesterday? This isn’t a question I would have typically asked myself. I didn’t think it was important to look back. I tend to forget what I did and get lost in my big to do list for my current day. But this question allows me the opportunity to celebrate the steps I am taking each day to get closer to my goals but also allows me to really see what I can do in a day.

  2. What 3 things are you focused on accomplishing for work and for home? This question constrains me to find the 3 most important things to do. I tend to have such a large list that I don’t get any of them done. In my confusion about what is important I might just do a little for each. But this pushes me to be laser focused. So, for today I know that I am finishing my blog and social media posts for the week, coaching for 3 hours. and setting up my emails for the week. For the home; I am grabbing groceries at Wal-Mart pickup and putting them away, figuring out our automatic tithing with our church, and making an intentional phone call to a friend.

  3. How will I have to feel in order to get these things done? Typically I need to feel disciplined, or focused, or purposeful, or intentional. But today I chose inspired. I know that to write out a blog or social media posts, or emails I have to create the content from a place of inspiration. When I am inspired, I want to inspire others. So, I spent some time thinking about things that inspire me and it got me to think that my words might inspire you. I also want to feel honoring. When I honor my schedule I do it no matter what. So, even though I may have other things come up, I want to honor my schedule and call my friend that I made an intentional decision to call. I really like to feel accomplished at the end of the day and something that makes me feel that way is to know I followed my daily schedule.

From these questions I can focus my brain and give it direction. I can purposefully think thoughts that get me feeling inspired and honoring. I don’t waste brain space on what isn’t necessary or what distracts me. I am seeing such great results in my life in the productivity area of my life because I find I am actually following my schedule. I have a schedule, and I do what I say I am going to do.

These 3 questions have really helped me start my day very clear on what I want to do and what it will take to get them done. If you are someone who is wanting to be more productive or efficient with your time, try these 3 questions and answer them consistently for the rest of the month. You will be amazed at how this simple exercise can bring you clarity, focus, and discipline.

Here’s to doing what we say we are going to do,

Angie Woods

P.S. Sometimes when I don’t want to wake up at 5 I remind myself of how my future self will feel at the end of the day. The person that wakes up and starts my day off on the right foot. That person will feel amazing. You may need to have this thought in your tool belt too, as you try and wake up when your alarm goes off! The lower brain will throw a lot of good thoughts your way but you are ready with some powerful ones to combat that nonsense.

5 tips for figuring our your Fall schedule

Getting back into our Fall schedule has been a little adjustment. We are figuring out our new normal. I am working on how I want to feel about my time and how much I want to do everyday.

Last year at this time I didn't even know that I had a relationship with time? Isn't that crazy. My thoughts about time actually makeup my relationship with time. I think I like to fight it . I have some bad thoughts about time for sure! Do you?

We all have 24 hours in a day, and if most people sleep for 8, work for 8, then that leaves 8 other hours to do what we want with them. Those are the facts, 24 hours. I get to think about it however I want. The way it sounds is so simple, but I complicate it for sure.

I used to think about time from a very scarce mindset. Really believing I didn't have enough time, or I had too much to do. I bought into hustling and never stopping. At night my husband would sit and chill and watch Netflix, and all I did was stew and fuss about how much there was to do, and kill myself trying to do it ALL!

I became aware of this last August when I focused on how I felt about time and to be honest I think I have been a victim to time. I have been fighting the fact that there are "just" 24 hours in a day. God knew what He was doing by giving us limits and He decided 24 hours was more than enough. He also has put parameters on our life by making it so we need to sleep or rest to refuel for the next day. Someone asked me how much I rest in a day. I told them, "I don't rest, because if I do, I feel guilty that I am not getting more done with my time. My to-do list is too long to rest."

It really boiled down to believing I couldn’t rest because I was responsible for everything. Do you feel that way too? Like you are responsible for it all, and you have to make it all happen. Well, that will keep you from resting for sure. I really had to understand that I couldn’t do it all and that resting was good for me and needed and that the Sabbath and resting was meant for me by God as a reminder that He has it all. I just play a part, and a part which needs rest at times.

I also was fighting sticking to a schedule, because I didn't want to feel that I had to live by time constraints, yet I was constantly fighting with what time I did have.

I have changed my thinking about time to believe that I have more than enough time to do what God wants me to do every day. I know there will always be "more" to do, but I have done all I can today. I want to make a conscious effort to spend my 24 hours wisely. I want to look at each day as a blessing and opportunity, not another day to grind it all out. I want to believe that I can steward the 24 hours that God has given me well.

So, here are 5 tips for making your Fall schedule:

1. Be honest about what you have committed to this Fall and the time it will actually take. I now take an assessment of every one of my activities and give it a time amount that I am going to commit to. If I play recreation league volleyball, I am committing to 3 hours a week for games and travel time to and from the gym (don't forget the travel time).

2. Decide if you can do all of the things you have committed to. This is super important. I see so many clients say, "I have too much on my plate. I can't have a quiet time, workout, eat healthy, and work, and date, etc." Decide ahead of time, before saying yes to helping babysit, or leading another small group. What is on my plate this Fall and can I add anything or should I take anything away to have a healthy margin for rest in my life?

3. A big key is to plan your REST TIME first in your day. This is the part that blew my mind. When I know I am going to rest and relax, I work harder and smarter in my work time. When I know what I have scheduled to get done. I look forward to the rest time and when my brain wants to offer me a distraction of your tired or need to rest, I just remind it that I am resting at 8pm for 2 hours. It allows me to shorten the time I have to do something and constrain myself to focus on the task at hand. Before I had a never ending to do list and so I never thought I could rest. Now I know exactly what I want to accomplish that day and get it done so I can rest.

4. Schedule your hours by what results you will get accomplished in that time. So from 4-5 it is not work on business. It is, at 5pm I will have 3 blog posts written and 2 weeks of social media planned. Then I know what I have to do during that time and I don't just "work." I am focused and know that I have that to get done. You will see yourself being more productive with your time. I have seen some of my clients do this, they give themselves too long to do a task, and then they let the task drag on for too long. They end up wasting time instead of being focused and clear. Stop that by telling yourself how long something will take. The question always arises, "Angie, what if it takes longer than 5pm to get that all done" then you take finishing it out of your rest time. As you have to give up resting, you will begin to be ok with getting it done so you don't have to miss your rest time. I am learning how to do B- work rather than A+ work. It is allowing me an opportunity to become more efficient and I am getting more done. I don't sit at my desk and think what should I be doing now? I know exactly what needs done and I know what I have to do in that time period.

5. Figure out your morning routines and evening routines so you can get yourself in a rhythm. What do you want to do before you go into work and what do you want to do before you close up shop and head to bed? This has been very transformative for me because I now love my routines. And once you figure it out you just do it. And it is non-negotiable. I wake up and know exactly what I am doing to make the most of my 2 hours before my kiddos wake and the day unfolds. I know what needs to happen before I head to bed, and do it every night. I don’t waste brain energy by thinking should I do this, or should I do that. No, this is what you are doing, you decided ahead of time, now go!

These tips have really helped in my schedule this Fall and I know they will help you too!

Angie

The blameless spend their days under the Lord's care, and their inheritance will endure forever. Psalm 37:18



Laundry continued...

I am learning so much from this struggle with laundry.


Here is a peak into the thought download that uncovered my true feelings about laundry.

Thought Download: Laundry

I am responsible for this

It is my job to get done

I don't want to do it

Is there any way around it? Not really unless I hire it out

I get annoyed by it

This is always a problem

I don't really know how to do it

This problem is not going away

I might as well figure this out


Here are my new thoughts about laundry.

I can do this

I am figuring this out

I don't have to like it to do it

I might as well enjoy the process

God isn't punishing me with laundry

He could be glorified and worshipped in this simple act

Let's see how much fun I can have with doing the laundry

What is God teaching me about Him in this space


I wanted to share this process with you because I think this could be helpful to you. You can do the same thing. You can examine your current thoughts about something and see what that thinking is making you feel.

From the top list I feel: responsible, annoyed, frustrated, rejecting it, incapable, inadequate, done

Where the bottom list I feel: capable, curious, neutral, not punished or off the hook, worshipful, FUN, teachable.


As I am shifting in my mindset I feel totally different about laundry. Isn't that funny 😀.

From feeling capable, curious, and neutral I asked around about different ways to actually do laundry. I admitted I didn't know what to do, but that I was learning. And that I had a desire to change in this one area. Feeling like I wanted to learn and that I was teachable created a space for me to want to learn and grow and get better at this area of my life. The thoughts that this could be worshipful, glorifying, and fun makes me want to find a time in my week to own this thing called laundry and to give it all back to God who gifted me with this in the first place.

The other day my 3 year old was whining about not wanting to take a nap. I told her there is really no way around it. You have to lay down and get rest so you can wake up and feel rejuvenated and play. I told her she had two options but with either option she was ultimately taking a nap. You can either fuss, whine, refuse it, get a consequence and still take a nap. Or you can get happy about taking a nap and just do it, take the nap. Either way the nap is happening, the question is, do you enjoy it or refuse it? I think God was actually talking to me. He said, "Here's the thing the laundry is going to happen, you can either throw a fit about it and have the consequences of that, or you can get happy about it and let it be a blessing to you." Thanks God, I needed that reminder even if it came in the form of a whining 3 year old.

But see, it isn't just laundry. We all have areas that we are rejecting. For me it was laundry but for you it could be singleness, or dating, or your job, or your weight, or your family situation, or any current circumstances in your life. How are your current thoughts about that making you feel?

Does your current thought download look like mine about your dating, singleness, losing weight, managing your schedule, laundry, adulting, or your job?

Could you sit down and identify the thoughts that are keeping you stuck in your current results. Because although I would have liked to blame others for my current results with laundry, the reason I had this struggle was me. And I hate to break it to you sister, but it is you. If you don't like your current results with singleness, dating, your job, your bank account, your weight. It is you! Now that we have that settled, what are you going to do about it?

I offer you some of the thoughts that shifted for me and see if you like them.

I can do this

I am figuring this out

I don't have to like it to do it

I might as well enjoy the process

God isn't punishing me with...

He could be glorified and worshipped in this simple act

Let's see how much fun I can have with...

What is God teaching me about Him in this space

I hope some of these thoughts shift you just a bit so that like me and laundry, game on!

I am going to love laundry this week.

Here's to shifting,

Angie

I don't know how

These words are creating some interesting results in my life.

I have this problem it is called LAUNDRY. Do you know it? So here is the dilemma.

Saturday and Sunday: no problem throwing some loads in but then it all goes down hill from there

Monday: I see a couple baskets full of clean clothes. I sort them into baskets based on each person, which feels productive, like I am getting somewhere.

Tuesday: kids, myself, and husband need clothes and instinctively know to come to look through the baskets

Wednesday: I get frustrated about clothes and determine I am going to do something about this problem. Which really means I am just going to talk about it, or complain, or beat myself up.

Thursday: I think about putting the clothes away, but get distracted with starting more laundry because all of the laundry baskets are in use and I have dirty clothes sort of getting mixed in with clean clothes

Friday: I am baffled that a fairy has not resolved my problem and then resort to being angry at the world and other humans because of my LAUNDRY PROBLEM.

Repeat the cycle.... Do you know what the problem is. These words.

I don't know.

I truly believe I don't know how to make this work. Like, I really don't know how to wash, dry, fold, and put away clothes.

What I know how to do is: wash, dry, put in baskets and then get angry at the world. I am good at that one for sure!

But what is so funny to me is that I have had this problem forever. Like I think my whole life. It has just become magnified because I am now involved with more people's laundry.

But, at the core I have never had the thought, "I know how to do laundry.". So I started thinking.... how do people who do their laundry (wash, dry, fold & put it away) think about it. I bet they don't spend as much drama as I do around the issue. I bet they figured out a system and then just did it. I bet they decided Monday I do this. Tuesday I do this. Wednesday, and so on. Me I fight with the reality that I have to do LAUNDRY. Like fighting against it is going to change the outcome. No, news flash. If I don't change my thinking about Laundry, it doesn't change!

So I feel like I have had a wake-up call.

I am figuring out how to do laundry all the way through. I am going to make a plan for this up coming week and I am going to follow it. I don't know how but the only way I will know how is to make a plan try it and see how it goes. I am pretending I am doing a science experiment. It is called LAUNDRY. I am going to try out my steps, collect some data, and see if my hypothesis is correct. I want to know how many loads it is going to take to do all the laundry. How long does it take to sort, fold, and put away all of the clothes? I am going to start by figuring out exactly what it takes to get this done and then I am going to figure out my how and when. See so scientific.

But, when I think I am becoming someone who knows how to do LAUNDRY. It is like all of the sudden I have this super power. I am unstoppable. There is no drama around it. It is not up for negotiation. I am doing the Laundry. And when my lower brain offers me the thought, "um, hello, you don't really know how to do laundry."

My response is, "Watch me!"

What are you saying, "I don't know how to do that" to? Is it meet a guy, go on a date, do the laundry, eat healthy, exercise, lose weight, keep up with friends, manage it all, take care of myself? What are those words causing you? I didn't realize that at the root was the thought, "I don't know how to do that." I am so glad I figured it out, because now I know where to start. I may not know how, but I can figure it out.

Did you know every problem is figureoutable?? I love that word (I think Marie Forleo is credited for that word, so don't quote me :)

So, start there... what are you saying I don't know how to and what if you did know?

Here's to solving all the problems!

Angie



Do you play the Blame Game?

I did…it’s a horrible game actually. You never win.

I often blamed others for how I felt. I think I have done this since, forever.

I blamed the weather for ruining my plans. I blamed the computer for stressing me out. I blamed my co-worker for making me angry. I definitely blamed the scale for making me feel fat.

These are negative feelings that I attributed to others, but I did this with the positive feelings too. The ice cream made me happy. The invitation made me feel included. The smile made me feel accepted. The note and flowers made me feel love.

It left me struggling to feel in control of my emotions. No wonder I struggled, because I allowed both positive and negative emotions to be effected by everything and everyone else.

And the flip side was even worse, because, I thought that I made other people feel positive and negative emotions too. So, I was stuck trying to have others make me happy, and believing I made others happy. Do you do this? This kept me feeling STUCK emotionally. My total emotional well-being was 100% based on how I made others feel and how others made me feel.

Add on to this the fact that I was a total people-pleaser, and had fully bought into the lie that I was good at making others happy. :) WOW, this all created a tornado effect emotionally in my life because I constantly was trying to CONTROL everything and everyone.

If people make you feel a certain way, you really want them to act in a way that makes you feel happy. But sure enough they don’t act the way you want them to, and then you wind up feeling mad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. All because of how they act.

But what if this wasn’t true? What if people can act however they want, life can happen how ever it does and it doesn’t have the power to control your emotions?

Because, guess where emotions come from…. your thoughts. You can think about anything however you want. It can rain and you can still choose to think about it in a way that makes you put on your rain boots and splash in muddy puddles. The computer can stop working and you can look at it as a chance to work with pencil and paper, or work on something else. Your co-worker can act however they want to act and you can be curious instead of judgmental. The scale can show any number and you can still feel proud, worthy, and beautiful.

Circumstances can’t control you, only you can control how you look at your circumstances.

This is the best news ever, because then we don’t have to go around trying to control other people or things all the time. That is exhausting, believe me I know :).

The way you think about something is how it makes you feel. You are completely in control of your feelings. You are responsible for your happiness and your unhappiness.

We see this often come up in relationships. Often when dating, people say this is what I need to be happy, or feel loved, or for connection. But then we use that list to blame the other person because they don’t act that way and therefore are creating unhappiness, not feeling love, or lack of connection. This doesn’t work. It can be vital to relationships because it forces you to be dependent on the other person. It also puts a lot of responsibility on the other person to act exactly how you want them to. But the best relationships happen when two people take care of their own needs first, and then come together to enjoy their time together. I am loved, valued, safe, happy, connected because of how I think. I then come to my relationship not thinking about what they do for me, or how they make me feel, but that we just get to enjoy each other’s company.

When you take full responsibility for your emotional well-being you allow other people to behave the way they want and you get to behave the way you want. You are responsible for your actions and you let them be responsible for their actions. It is so freeing and a whole lot less controlling!

Where are you placing blame in your life? What are you trying so hard to control? Are you blaming singleness, or that guy that you just dated for anything?

Working on controlling just me,

Angie

P.S. I have so much fun stuff in store the next couple of weeks. Next week I have 5-Days of Giveaways (you don’t want to miss your chance at some amazing free prizes, check out my IG and FB) and then the following week August 5-9th I am doing a really fun 5-Day Challenge How to feel content right where you are. Join me for all of this!

Checking off the boxes

Our life is not our own, and we know this but deep down we fight against it. We want ownership of things. Our lower brain wants certainty. That is why we love lists and boxes to be checked off. Our brains get a dopamine hit when we check, tick, cross off. There is certainty in that plan. But if we are not careful, we do that with our lives too. Go to college- check, get married- check, dream job- check, have babies- check, dream house- check, etc.   

But what happens when you don’t get what you want or when you can’t check the box? For me it was graduate college, check, dream job, check, but kind of stopped there.  Babies, house, future, true happiness, was all dependent on the box get married. I was not checking that one off, and it felt uncertain. So, now what? How do we dream about the future and move forward when there was so much uncertainty about that box right there, marriage? And why was it so hard to check that box off? 

Each birthday and year that passed by was just a reminder that my future was becoming my present and time was “running out”. As my 30th birthday was approaching I could see all this tension because life was just not going as PLANNED. 


I love Jeremiah 29:11; I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and give you a future.  

When I think, He knows the plans for me, I feel secure. When I think, He will prosper me, I feel taken care of. And when I think, He gives me a future, I feel purposeful. 

Plans… seem so pretty, but can be really painful at the same time. To own something, to steward it well, we kind of need a plan. And plans feel certain. But what happens when the certain doesn’t happen?

We tend to make it mean something about us. We make it mean there is something wrong with us. We failed, or we didn’t make it happen. We aren’t pretty enough for marriage. Or, we are too much for guys. Or my personal favorite… I made it mean, I was too independent. But what if we look at the plan as well, this is a part of the plan. See, God tells us that your life is mine, but He doesn’t give us a step by step layout of the how. He leaves that a mystery. What we are certain of is; we are born and we die. Everything else is well uncertain…. That makes me feel good! But how do we steward our life than, with the little certain knowledge that we do have?  We look at it through the eyes of God. He has this for me for a reason. He is doing something in the midst of this unknown for me. 

I recently heard a sermon on this passage by Tim Keller. He shared the context of Jeremiah 29 and how Jeremiah was actually speaking to those that were in exile. The people that were a part of the first group of exiles taken from Jerusalem to Babylon were the tradesmen or experts in their field, and Daniel was a part of this group. Now, before he tells them that God knows the plans for them, he goes on to give them some directions about how they should be living in exile. He says, “Build houses, plant gardens, get married, have kids, and THRIVE.” He was telling those in exile; listen up…. Don’t just wait it out… don’t just try and survive this.  Go and make the most of this time in your life, even when it isn’t going the way you had planned it. When I heard this, I thought man single women need to know these verses context. You may think that this is your exile. Singleness; the place you never thought you would be, but God is saying, “Do this season well, thrive” And the reason He is saying that is because verse 11. I know the plans I have. It may seem like it is not working out, but be certain of this. I AM in control of this ALL.

It is good to know that your brain wants certainty, because you can see why this uncertainty causes it problems. And since everyone around you seems to be doing the same things like getting married and then having kids, it is easier to say this is the way it should go and my life is not going the way everyone else’s does.  But what if you looked at it with a totally different perspective? My life is NOT mine. I am blessed with the privilege to steward MY story. The story unfolding around me is fill in the blank. Proverbs 16:9 says, We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. He wants us to plan and dream and go for the Gold! He wants us to make lists and check them off, but when they don’t get checked off. Don’t make it mean something bad about you, make it mean something amazing about God. What does He want for you?  What does He have for you? It doesn’t mean stop the planning, go right on with the planning. Just know that His plan is the best. The unchecked box doesn’t have to feel painful. Maybe you were meant to see 30 and the marriage box not be checked, it is OK. Something I have learned is, that my plans seem great, but HIS blow my mind!  

Planning with open hands right along with you,

Angie