Being alone is a reality when you are single. This is a unique time in your life where you do not have people with you unless you create being with people.
Which can create different scenarios for different types of single women
You might be the single that is so busy you never have to be alone, and deal with what comes up when you are alone.
You might be the person that is alone but is constantly filling your life with noise, or drama so you don’t have to deal with you.
You could be someone who spends time with people all the time so you don’t have to deal with being alone.
You could be alone and struggling.
But regardless of your brains go-to patterns, we can learn a lot from being alone and even feeling lonely.
Here are 5 tips to start you in the right direction.
Get good at allowing yourself to feel lonely.
Don’t react to it, just feel it. I teach all my clients how to actually do this. But when you process that emotion , it shows your brain that you are more than okay when you feel lonely. You can feel it, it won’t kill you. You are alone and okay. It is just one of the emotions that God has allowed you to have. It isn’t worse than or better than other feelings. Feelings are just vibrations in your body, alerting your physical body what is going on inside your mind. Don’t try and fight it.
Drop the belief that you shouldn’t have to be alone.
A part of you feels like this isn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to do life alone. You should be married. You should have a family. This is not how it was going to go. People should invite you into their lives. You shouldn’t have to get good at this. Because all of those beliefs keep you fighting the reality that during your season of singleness, being alone is a part of the deal. When you take a step back and think this is a gift from God. This whole being alone thing is actually for me, not against me. I was always going to be 37 and single living life by myself. You drop all of the energy that you waste pushing against it and you can start using energy to decide who you want to be when you are alone. What is the life I want to create
Don’t make being alone mean anything else about you.
You being alone is not a punishment. It is not evidence that you are not good enough. This is not proof that you are less then, behind, not enough, and unwanted. This is just the circumstances that God is allowing you to have right now. Everyone is dealing with something that can usher in some negative emotion, and for you it is being alone. When you get married, it might be that you are never alone. But understand that your brain taking your circumstance of being by yourself often and creating an entire narrative about what is wrong with you, does not have to happen. You are alone, so what. Don’t spiral it into anything else. Just deal with it.
Decide who you want to be when you are alone.
Do you want to enjoy being with you. Do you want to have lots of time when you are by yourself, or do you want a little amount. Figure out how much alone time is good and healthy, and when too much alone time can get harder for you. Nothing is wrong with you if you can’t get good at being alone, I just encourage you to think about being alone in a way that does work for you. This is a part of your life right now, let’s figure out what areas you can learn from and think about those differently. If you continually busy yourself, because you don’t want to be alone, that might create having a hard time resting or relaxing by yourself. You might want to practice being alone to see what you do struggle with. If you buffer away the alone time with movies, or distractions you might want to practice being alone with out that. See what thoughts you might be trying to avoid by filling your mind with other things. Being alone can allow you to truly see yourself, which can be a gift.
Understand that you are alone right now, and that this doesn’t have to be forever.
When you think this is forever your brain goes into overdrive. It wants you to understand that this is not something you are capable of doing. This is going to be your demise. You can’t feel lonely, or be alone forever. Something has to change, or be different. Therefore, it puts you into a hustle mentality, you can feel desperate and believe that resources are scarce. Which doesn’t tend to bring out the best in you. But remember this is not necessarily true. You may not be alone forever. You don’t have to tackle that issue right now. You can handle being alone as long as you are. You will make the best of this circumstance and you are not a victim to it.
If being single = being alone more often, take that reality and decide how you want to handle it. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but if your brain wants to make it an issue, just establish that this is going to be a part of the negative 50% of singleness. It is just one of the things you are learning to deal with and make work for you. You don’t have to add unnecessary suffering to being alone.
A huge reason I felt led to start the group coaching program is because I too felt completely alone in my struggle of being alone, when I was single. I truly believed most other women were married. But the truth is that there are a ton of amazing single women just like you, figuring out this whole singleness thing. That is why I wanted to create a FB group so that you all could meet each other. I wanted you to see that you are NOT alone in being alone. That might make it a little bit better, knowing that. So be encouraged, other women are figuring out how to do this too.
Cheering you on,
Angie
