I did…it’s a horrible game actually. You never win.
I often blamed others for how I felt. I think I have done this since, forever.
I blamed the weather for ruining my plans. I blamed the computer for stressing me out. I blamed my co-worker for making me angry. I definitely blamed the scale for making me feel fat.
These are negative feelings that I attributed to others, but I did this with the positive feelings too. The ice cream made me happy. The invitation made me feel included. The smile made me feel accepted. The note and flowers made me feel love.
It left me struggling to feel in control of my emotions. No wonder I struggled, because I allowed both positive and negative emotions to be effected by everything and everyone else.
And the flip side was even worse, because, I thought that I made other people feel positive and negative emotions too. So, I was stuck trying to have others make me happy, and believing I made others happy. Do you do this? This kept me feeling STUCK emotionally. My total emotional well-being was 100% based on how I made others feel and how others made me feel.
Add on to this the fact that I was a total people-pleaser, and had fully bought into the lie that I was good at making others happy. :) WOW, this all created a tornado effect emotionally in my life because I constantly was trying to CONTROL everything and everyone.
If people make you feel a certain way, you really want them to act in a way that makes you feel happy. But sure enough they don’t act the way you want them to, and then you wind up feeling mad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. All because of how they act.
But what if this wasn’t true? What if people can act however they want, life can happen how ever it does and it doesn’t have the power to control your emotions?
Because, guess where emotions come from…. your thoughts. You can think about anything however you want. It can rain and you can still choose to think about it in a way that makes you put on your rain boots and splash in muddy puddles. The computer can stop working and you can look at it as a chance to work with pencil and paper, or work on something else. Your co-worker can act however they want to act and you can be curious instead of judgmental. The scale can show any number and you can still feel proud, worthy, and beautiful.
Circumstances can’t control you, only you can control how you look at your circumstances.
This is the best news ever, because then we don’t have to go around trying to control other people or things all the time. That is exhausting, believe me I know :).
The way you think about something is how it makes you feel. You are completely in control of your feelings. You are responsible for your happiness and your unhappiness.
We see this often come up in relationships. Often when dating, people say this is what I need to be happy, or feel loved, or for connection. But then we use that list to blame the other person because they don’t act that way and therefore are creating unhappiness, not feeling love, or lack of connection. This doesn’t work. It can be vital to relationships because it forces you to be dependent on the other person. It also puts a lot of responsibility on the other person to act exactly how you want them to. But the best relationships happen when two people take care of their own needs first, and then come together to enjoy their time together. I am loved, valued, safe, happy, connected because of how I think. I then come to my relationship not thinking about what they do for me, or how they make me feel, but that we just get to enjoy each other’s company.
When you take full responsibility for your emotional well-being you allow other people to behave the way they want and you get to behave the way you want. You are responsible for your actions and you let them be responsible for their actions. It is so freeing and a whole lot less controlling!
Where are you placing blame in your life? What are you trying so hard to control? Are you blaming singleness, or that guy that you just dated for anything?
Working on controlling just me,
P.S. I have so much fun stuff in store the next couple of weeks. Next week I have 5-Days of Giveaways (you don’t want to miss your chance at some amazing free prizes, check out my IG and FB) and then the following week August 5-9th I am doing a really fun 5-Day Challenge How to feel content right where you are. Join me for all of this!